Mother's Day...

It's Mother's Day this Sunday, and it has got me thinking ( a lot )..I've been feeling a wee bit sorry for myself ( I'll explain later )

First off... my own mum...
I was her first.. I was the first to hear her heart from the inside.
She was only 19 when she had me, so she was young.
I am thankful that she had me, I'm glad to be a part of this family...
My memories are few of her... mostly my memories are from when I was already married
and had my own children.... I love her... she's my mum..
Thankful that I could meet her again when I did.

My Step mum....  she loved me like her own..what's not to admire about that.
I am thankful to have had her in my life also..
I remember when my dad and her were not married yet..I don't know
where we were going , but we were upstairs on the bus ( double decker )
and I had ran to the front to look out of the window, they were sitting back more..
I remember calling her mum, but not loud enough for her to hear, but loud
enough for the people beside me to hear... I wanted them to know I had a mum...

My friend Stacy's mum... I called her Mom White...
She also came into my life at a time I needed someone..
I am thankful for her.... she taught me to be strong, to stick up
for what I believe in.... she didn't have to help me, but she did...

I am the mother to 4....   I have tried to be the best I could be.
Was I perfect... No
Am I perfect yet... absolutely not...
The thing is, I love my children...
Three out of the four know it, because I tell them... the fourth... I cant
write about right now, its too personal, the hurt is too deep...
I didn't do anything wrong, but things happen..

I'm crying now... for what is, and for what was...
I want to write exactly how I feel, but I'm afraid of being judged..

So, why am I feeling sorry for myself??
Because its Mother's Day coming
My husband will go to work, and wont be home till I'm in bed.
I'll cook and clean up..  it wont feel any different from any other day..
My son in the States will call ( Thankful for him )
My son here will probably say something..
2 out the 4 shouldn't be bad...right...
I'm dreading this day... I'm sorry I sound so negative.. I try to be positive, but
I'm just not feeling it..
Hope everyone has a wonderful day...